Participating Artists
Bob Bigoney, Nate Kirkpatrick, John Lawson, Kelby Moore, Martin Sheldon, Tony Bruno, Barry Fox, George Herndon, Michael Johnson
Art Piece Story:This art piece is a visual expression created by nine members of the Long Term Supportive Living Program at Learning Services – Rocky Mountain Region Campus in Lakewood, Colorado. The composition directly portrays one group’s experience of life after sustaining brain injury.
This art piece is a profound expression of humanity, not only including brain injury, but passing beyond the life changing experience. The group distinguished significant stages of their lives as being before, during and after their injuries. Each canvas represents one of these stage of life.The group agreed among themselves to use the image of a cottonwood tree…
Participants Stories:
- Dec 30, 90
…I don’t think that I will be scared - 1991
…I began to get scared… it is better to stay alive… It is pretty dead… I compare it to the Red Sea… I was very confident & comfortable today… - Jan 23, 90
…I felt it was appropriate to tell him about my brain injury… it took me this moon to shake me up & change me, awaken me… I felt nervous… after… I did not feel satisfied… It’s such an intense, life-altering experience… my trauma is not different… Trauma is TRAUMA, whatever the experience… its hard to feel that inside… my organic structure… of my brain is different. This is my brain injury & a brain injury is my trauma, buy only I… I’ve had to look inside… analyze my person… all trauma victims suffer & hopefully learn & grow from… from loosing an animal to almost dying.
… Its such a landmark identifying who I am. He was relating to my trauma, not my BI…
TODAY IS A GOOD DAY TO DIE
BEFORE MY WRECK I WAS THE LEADER OF MY CLAN OF FRIENDS WE WERE ALL OF THE SAME THOUGHT AND PURPOSE. I RAN MY OWN WELDING BIDNESS AND HAD A CREW THAT WOULD ASSEMBLE ALL SORTS OF MATERIAL HANDLING EQUIPMENT. AT LEAST I COULD MAKE A LIVING AND ENJOY THINGS THAT I ENJOY DOING SUCH AS CAMPING, HUNTING, FISHING, HIKING, DRINKING AND LISTENING TO ROCK N ROLL. I ALSO OWNED 80 ACRES IN THE MOUNTAINS OF ARKANSAW WHERE I COULD ENJOY THE PEACE AND QUITE. RAISIN TWO KIDS AND HAVIN THEIR MOTHER FOR A LOVER MANY MANY YEARS WAS GREAT.
SO NOW THINGS SINCE JANUARY 9, 1988 ARE VERY DIFFERENT. I NO LONGER LIVE IN ARKANSAW. THE MEDICAL PEOPLE THERE COULD NOT DEAL OR HANDLE MY SITUATION SO NOW I FIND MYSELF IN COLORADO WHERE THERE ARE FEW FRIENDS OR PEOPLE THAT I KNOW. I NOW HAVE LEARNED TO MEDITATE AND KNOW MY SPIRITUAL NAME. NO LONGER HAVE THE PROPERTY BUT NOW LIVE IN A BIG AS SHIT CITY WHICH FOR A COUNTRY BOY MAKES THINGS CROWDED AND UNCOMFORTABLE LEARNING TO DEAL WITH. I TRY TO GO OUT OF CITY TO GAIN THAT PEACE BUT OFTEN FIND IT COLDER THAN WHAT I’M USED TO. (JUST LEARNIN TO DEAL). I AM NOW LEARNING TO BE A COMPUTER ANALYST TECH SO THAT MAYBE I COULD MAKE MONEY AND GIT OFF SSI CHECKS AND BE ABLE TO CONTRIBUTE TO LIFE AS I KNEW IT.
Silk Screen
Images
Trees
Italy
The Vuo…
Forest
Waterfall
Football
Boxing
The Struggle to Survive
A Person Fighting Through…
Ortordnad…
7-11-94
Thumbs-Up!
“Brain Damage”
35mm Slides
“Popcorn”
“Cards” –
Solitaire
“Bingo”
“Crosswords”
Autos-
– Antiques
– Collectibles
– Classics
– Unusual
Antiques
Flying
Religion
Animals
[3 pages–pictures of trees]
I was never into sports very much, but no sport could compare to the Martial Arts, like Traditional Tae-Kwon-Do. For me, the Martial Arts have been much more than a way to get in shape or build up my strength. Traditional Tae-Kwon-Do has become a way of life for me. It has taught me a lot about myself and has allowed me to get in touch with my whole being. Martial Arts like Traditional Tae-Kwon-Do is an activity that truly unites the mind, body, and spirit in harmony.
When I first began Tae-Kwon-Do, I thought it would be temporary. Those first classes were unbelievably difficult. But Traditional Tae-Kwon-Do taught me a lot about myself and how I responded in different situations. In sparring, I discovered what sort of reactions I really had, and I learned a lot and began to understand a lot, about how I responded under pressure, stress and during conflicts. I used what I learned in the Dojang and applied it to my life and work. Traditional Tae-Kwon-Do has helped me to approach my art with a different perspective. It has also helped me in my hunting and shooting skills that I also enjoy. In the Traditional Tae-Kwon-Do Dojang. I have gained valuable insighs about how I move physically and emotionally. Tae-Kwon-Do has given me answers. I have found out how I avoid situations and how I confront them. While sparring or doing a form, I can discover what made me tick.
Although I don’t actually engage in any formal meditation, my forms are my meditation, something like Chinese tai chi exercises.
When I am practicing a form, I think of nothing else. I must have an empty mind and allow all my movements to flow in harmony. It has taken me a long time to get to this point, and it has been very hard work. I would practice a form every different way I could think of. I breack the movements down into steps and practice over and over again,, I practice in the basement, outside, or where ever I feel comfortable even when swimming. I think you can study forms for years and years and still learn from it.
I have never had to actually use any of my Martial Arts training to defend myself. But it has given me the self-confidence to talk my way out of many dangerous situations. The Martial Arts and Traditional TaeKwon-Do had given me confidence in myself. It gave me the training to think of other than physical ways to defend myself. I think people can sense this confidence. On the street, I’m always aware of dangerous situations, my training is always with me. I make an effort to stay out of certain situations, but I know that if I have to, I can take care of myself and others.
I have been involved in the Martial Arts for many years, I have gone through some doubts. It’s hard work and it’s demanding, and sometimes the progress is so slow it seems that there is no progress at all. But you have to survive, so I had to ask myself what I was doing in the Martial Arts in the first place.
I decided to commit myself to improving and advancing, although many times I get discouraged and disappointed, I know the Martial Arts is something that will be within me all my life.
In today’s crowded cities and impersonal institutions, where computerized figures keep track of our personal lives, and corporations, governments, and labor unions seem to be taking over more and more responsibility for determining our daily lifestyles, it’s a reassurance to encounter fresh timelessness of the Traditional TaeKwon-Do, we can obtain our own concepts of personal power and control over the quality of our lives. We can rise above the feelings of helplessnes.
Through TaeKwon-Do, we can discover techniques for opening our conscious an dtune our actions to the truth and feelings in our hearts. We can re-acquaint ourselves with the harmony inherent in the way all things unfold. Bringing us happiness, joy and personal fulfillment, and peace of the mind.
When confronted with difficulties, we should resist giving up. We may be pressed by intolerable burdens, but the correct response is to persist. This effort to be patient may be enormous, but in making this attempt we overcome the pressures, thus gaining strength.
Staying together for right or wrong in the face of challenges, being firm when we would rahter be soft, continuing when we would rather quit, being patient and keeping still when we would rather take hold and force things to an end…all of these actions teach us the lessons of perseverance. In order to gain the value of perseverance, we must go through these same lessons many times. This process requires going through several stages of development, all of which are accomplished by the passing of time. To rush or force results is to throw efforts away on wrong solutions in order to rid ourselves of pressure.
Our traditional TaeKwon-Do training teached perseverance of mind, body, spirit from the very first day. As beginners it takes determination to come into class with upper belts. You feel everyone is looking at you and making fun of your clumsy efforts to punch, kick and remember your forms. Sometimes there will be a special move, like a one step jump turning kick that is difficult to master. It seems that all the practice in the world will not make it right. Then one day it just happens, the more is done right, and our patience is rewarded. We must learn to be in complete control of ourselves at all times if we are to make progress. When impatience, self-pity, fear, restlessness, desire, jealousy or anger take over, we are no longer in self control. Then we lose our direction. We must be careful not to let out bad emotions show in our actions. There is a time to act and a time not to act. If we are willing to control ourselves and wait for the proper time, our goals will be reached.
{picture}
Before
Life was mostly chaos, working as a bank collector, downtown was fun _____was not wanted to do. I was very smart pre-injury I was a well educated person who did not any trouble writing skills, not a after brain injury in which a coma for _____ 6 months, I had lurned everything over again. How to feed myself how to talk and how write I never be the same I very good golfer and a good bowler a good friend.
I had a girlfriend that I was engaged to. She was a manager of a radio station. She left me at transitions.What happened- I shot myself in the head for I don’t know what reason. I was 28 years old. My father found me and I am permenantly brain damaged. I was very smart. I haven’t spoken to anyone about why I did this. It’s hard to speak. It’s hard to form my words. And what do I say. It’s difficult to find a words to say b/c of my brain damage. I cannot speak because of the bullet. The bullet hit my speech center. I was in a coma for 6 months I shouldn’t be here, but I am & I’m glad that I am. I shot myself on Sept 10, 1988. I was in my car, but after that I don’t know.
Transitions-I met Danette here.I’ve been here for 6 years. I’ll rpobably never drive a car again. That bugs me. My family is in Denver. They come uphere to see me once a week. They haven’t been doing this for 6 years. They’re hoping I’ll be like the old martin, but I just want to live my life in peace. This place doesn’t let me. Because they think I’ll try something like this again, but I won’t. Once is plenty of times.
I have been an athlete my entire life, played football from 1970 to 1980 and basketball from 1970 to 1976. I also kept a 3.75 grade point average all through elementary, junior and senior high school. In the summer of 1979 I applied to the University of Colorado, in Boulder and Kreighton in Omaha, Nebraska. A few months after I applied to the University of Colorado I received a letter stating that based on my grade point average and extra curricular activities I received one of one hundred half-tuition scholarships to the school called The President’s Leadership class. I majored in accounting and completed three full years maintainig a 3.75 grade point average. In the fall of 1984 which was the first quarter of my senior year the athletic department runs what is called a boxing smoker and all of the ticket sales and consession finance all the sports. While _______ before the event I was hit on the right side of my head breaking the fastener of my head gard which fell off. The left side of my brain hit the canvas causing a vein to sever. They called my roommate David who rushed me to Boulder Memorial Hospital. A serjon named Donald Presselly took an xray of my brain and it was too swollen to find the injury was located. He put me in a drug induced comma. Twenty four hours later the swelling was reduced and he found where the injruy was located. He sewed the vein back in place. Since I have been residing at Bear Creek reentry. I am employed by a company called Bayard Industries. Located at Arapohon and ______ they opened in the late sixties and get a variety or contracts. The first contract was a company in Washington, D.C. called Information Handelling Services. They recycled old government tapes. Since then they have approximately thirty contracts. The contract that I am assigned to is a corporation located in Washington, D.C. called Information Handelling Services. They have old National government tapes were the information is no longer used so they recycle the tapes. So I take the tapes out of the cases and put them in a plastic bag. The other contract that my boss Donald gave me is a coporation called Maller Kraft. They construct Kitchen cabinets and sell them to dinners and conferences. I have a wood rectangular placw iwth eight hoels in it and put eight screws and bulbs in a plastic bag and staple it. My mother’s _____ picks me up on Friday and my company mails my paychecks to my parents home so I put it in my savings account at Lakerde bank. The main lesson I learned from my brain injury is to respect life because can easily _____.
I have four more quarters to get my degree in accounting. Then I will apply and when I am employed I will marry my girlfriend Judy.
Lost Identity
He’s like a mountain stream in spring time _____ by August dry.
The first impression rises to the stream but the real one stays on the Cotton denied.
The imposture steals a precious heart, wins temporary bliss and extasy.
But when she stand inplays to part the God and Goddess can not find the fantasy she’s been deceived by a cleaver mask the he wear
while searching for his face.
She pictured sweet wine filling her flase _____
the golden necture is only sour grapes
the apologies flow like waisted tears
his frantic pleas and wines are mute
the reminces about the years but the orchestra drowns out his flute
His apologies flow like waisted tears
His frantic pleas and wines are mute
He reminesces about the years but the orchestra
drowns out his flute.
He dared to love behind his disguise and hurt
giant inside a _____ elf
He learned a lesson ancient and wise
Before you love another find love yourself
OPEN YOUR EYES BY CLOSING THEM SHUT
Do not let his looks mislead you, he is more beautiful than me. And like all others he’s got the need to be loved and help close Disregard the outside to find what really resides inside you’ll be surprised at what you find
Ones head is a little too big, this one doesn’t walk quite right This ones simply a retard a hideously sorry sight but look at his heart you’ll start to share his hug feel his hug and take his warmth
Their dance is not inferior it is just to a better beat
and if you could only _____ what oyu feel from what you see
you would _____ what we have done, we took the sun from the sky but we’re the ones who are cold
Funny hwo these strange ones who have been _____ up by our _____
are really the most loving ones if you only take the chance
To touch them, kiss them, laugh with them not at them
and let them teach you how to love
LITTLE BEGINNER
Sometimes good intentions get kicked all around to hell
they ignore you while _____ and their intentions really
say nothing but say it quite well
Please don’t cry and lick your wounds it’s not lack
of love it’s just a misunderstanding
Their words are by no means a vicious tune just
a somewhat crud reminder that love is understanding
not token discipline and while the little father does command
respect so does the label of children
Man you’ve steered our ship very straight and ______
and the work day blues have fought with you
you’ve given me the legs to stand on and the eyes to see
But the pants I wear and the glasses I down that’s up to me
You’ve shown me what is real but it is my reality
Wipe your brow and the sweet from your lips
Pour your wine and slowly sip
toast yourself to a job well done
Relax, have faith, I am your son
I will travel to Venus or maybe the sun
But love will always take me back to where I started from
and just for the time I forgotten I will forget
_____ I love you______
Before I was killed I do remember and or know that I loved baseball, specifically playing baseball and when I was a senior in high school, pitching baseball and or obviously being a pitcher in baseball!
After baseball, I remember loving and falling in love with beautiful Justine, and I know that the two of us traveled together to visit our beautiful friends Mr. and Mrs. Roberto Stahle, Roberto and Marta, of Guatemala City, Guatemala!
After Guatemala, I know that I drove an or ran myself into death trouble when while tearing along in my fast rotary engined mazda cay.
I know that I was raging along on Foxhall Road in the District of Columbia very late one night after spending time in Georgetown bays with my youngest sisters, Tammy’s boyfriend Mike Hurley. Evidently the flying Mazda hit some winter ice on the road and then crashed into a treeor what may well have been a phone pole!
Someone and I have no idea aas to who it was, although it wa probably reported and covered by the DC police, but in any case the BCC rescue squad whipped to crash where upon Mike Hurley, the car’s passenger, was pronounced dead and I the car’s driver, was presumed dead.
I spent the next ten months, from which time I remember and or know just absolutely nothing, in a presumed death coma!
Actually, my memory, which I know and or felt always had been quite good didn’t even begin to function until at least one full year later when I was fully enrolled and livng at the woods. School in Langhorne, PA where I first met and got to know Kathleen Joy Wusssow.
I lived there for five or six years until coming to Bear Creek in Colorado, very near my sister Mary’s new home in Denver!
I built my cabin for me before the injury. Life was good for me before. I was with Gloria more.
It was different. My life was in chaos most of the time.
Life was simpler then. Care and worry free. I never realized hwo much I had to care or worry about. I took so much for granted. The bare essentials are what we don’t always realize.
Life was fine for me before my accident. This is hard to talk about. I played football and basket ball and golf. I liked all of my sports. I was good too!!!
I had a car accident. I don’t remember the accident or being in the hospital.
it makes me happy to play cribbage. It is still important to me to go to church. It makes me happy when I go to church and see the other people. I look forward to when my family comes to visit. it is important to me to still feel aprt of my family.
I feel okay about myself.
FALL:
PAST
The past is not that spectacular for me, it lacks the achievements and accomplishments to make me proud. I went to college years ago, but did not put forth the effort required to have a respectable grade point average. I treid to be a skilled worker (a machinist), but was greatly discouraged by a couple of machine shops in Phoenix. I was a factory un-skilled worker predominantly through my twenties. Doing a wide variety of activities, that included making missile crates for the space industry, making fiberglass bathtubs and showerstalls for Owens Corning, coating catalytic converters with platinum at Englehard. I only worked as a roofer for about three weeks before the accident. It was in Denver, March of 92, after a big snow storm. I remember going up on the roof the day before to shovel the snow off, and knocking off early because of encountered problems. I’ve been told I might not never remember the accident, but I vaguely remember making fun of some of my friends for being afraid to pull the shingles in this icy spot covered with shade from a big tree in the yard. I remember the feeling of hysteria as my feet slide on the ice. I was going to slide completely off a two-story house, directly over the concrete drive-way. I clutched onto the gutter in terror, out of instinct, and hung there for what seemed like an hour. I remember my boss telling to go ahead and drop to your feet. It wasn’t till later that I realized why. He was pocketing the money he should have been paying Workmen’s Comp. The company asked him if he had insurance on his workers, and he lied and said yes. I glanced down and decided it was too far to fall. Now that I look back I think it was a mistake, a sprained ankle or a posible broken leg would have been better than a head injury. I pulled myself up thinking I was going to escape without injury. At first I was up in the air trying to decide what the best action would be. I decided to fall forward, and have some people standing on the roof pull me to safety. Unfortunitly the gutter broke away. I remember the sense of dread, looking up at my co-workers as I plummeted down, everything blanking-out like a test pattern.
DANGEROUS OCCUPATION {picture}
WINTER
THE ACCIDENT
I was unconscious for 5 weeks, I remember opening my eyes in terror, and seeing my mother. She asked me if I knew who she was ? I shook my head yes, not being able to talk at the time. sh explained that I had an accident at work, hearing from the medical staff to tell the patient the truth, to avoid further confusion. I can remember rolling my eyes back in disgust, and thinking, what have I done now? I couldn’t move my right leg or arm at first. Doctor Silo was saying I would be paralyzed on the right-side. Its funny how the mind plays tricks in this type of situation. I thought I was a pilot over the enemy, Nazi-Germny, and was either shot down or crashed over enemy lines. I was captured, in order to obtain information the Nazis amputated my right leg, and sewed a false leg full of saw-dust, sausage, or some kind of foreign material. It sounds funny now, but at the time I was almost in tears about it. When I was first able to wiggle my right foot a little the doctors made a big commotion. I guess that was the first indication I would be alright. I was bed-ridden at first, I had to be sponged washed, fed intravenously, couldn’t talk, and had a sense of being incapable. I recall when I first was able to sit up in a wheelchair, how I was limited because my neck muscles were weak. When I first started eating solid food I was surprised at how consumable the Hospital food was. One of my kidneys was half removed because of bleeding, a drainage tube was inserted from my head, at the time I thought I was going bald from where they shaved my head. I jokingly refer to it as a Swedish haircut, the small identation is covered by my hairline now. I have numerous scars from operations, a couple of extra belly buttons from the G-tubes they ran. I feel lucky for being able to walk, talk, and still have a conscientious mind.
HELPLESS {picture}
YOUR MEDICAL TEAM {picture}
THE MIND PLAYS TRICKS {picture}
SPRING
PRESENT
The present is very adequate, I have some money saved, and I am attending college. Studying computers, which has a promising future, and seena dramatic increase in the past. I could be content with sitting back drawing Workmen’s Compensation for the rest of my life, or a long duration. Learning Services has a policy that you msut either attend school, or work a job-volunteer or actual, you must be involved with some type of self-rewarding fulfilling activity to remain in the Supported Living Program. An effort to encourage and nourish an active, productive, meaningful lifestyle is influenced. I’ve had several obstacles to conquer and overcome, one is my ability to write is greatly diminished from the accident. I had to obtain a computer and tape recorder to overcome the problem of taking notes. When I first arrived at Bear Creek I was confined to a wheel chair. Now all I use it for is a computer chair, an expensive computer chair. I lost my drivers license because of medical reasons, a problem I’m not used to. My major hurdle is a minute amount of double vision that still exists. I still have a prominent speech impediment due to the accident, although I’ve been told it should mostly get better. Learning to be adaptive and resourceful is a key element in being innovative with the consequences of the accident.
ONE OF MY MAJOR PROBLEMS IS DRIVING {picture}
WRITING IS DIFFICULT
WRITING IS HAMPERED {picture}
COMPUTERS HELP {picture}
INCREASING MONEY {picture}
SUMMER
FUTURE
The future looks favorable, monetary as well as employment. I have a thrifty way to save allot of money. I hope to obtain employment in some type of computer business. It looks as though I’ll still be able to walk, and still have a dependable thought proces. I almost feel I’ve been giving a second chance to correct the mistakes I made the first time. The future is what you make of it. If you want to complain and have a bad attitude your not going to accomplish much, if you want to take advantage of everything that Learning Services offers, you can make the necessary improvements in recovering from a accident. Accident victims encounter a certain amount of prejustice that they can’t still contribute or lead a productive life, or have less of an opinion or outlook. This art project demonstrates that the injured and disabled still have a voice of recognition. That your still basically the same person you were as before the accident. Like a tree changing through the seasons, you remain unwavering in your believes and outlook.
A JOB IN THE COMPUTER INDUSTRY
{picture}
STUCK IN A DEAD-IN
STRIVE FOR MORE
[picture}
-Bob
I was in an underground mine in wyoming working when the earth above me shifted and made it cave in and crush me like a bug! I had a friend to give me mouth to mouth and was able to give me life back I know I have 2 suffer it 4 the rest of my life I can put more paper in here…..
Im what you mite say a work related askident. I was working deep down in a mine under the ground in southern wyoming getting out the ore use the manufacturing of glass! Sorry, this thing I use to write with prents more then necerary……
I was working and we had cavein! That is where you have sefting of earth’s crust , like an earth quake or shifting of the earth. I’m steal learning how 2 spell if you can’t tell but I keep trying that all I can do, well the rock we took out was ground up into a dust an we made a sobstance that was made into glass and you look through it every day when you drive a car or look out a window or lok in a merer to fix something or look at your sealf maybe you can figure this mess out….
unfochenletly I had a frind that had given me mouth to mouth and brout me back to life and thy thout I was gig 2 die anyway so thy never set my heap with was brocken 2 so I’m always in pain I don’t whont pepole 2 fell sorry 4 me just egnore me! and leave me to myself. There’s not much I can do now that I’m in hear in the sate of Colorado but watch the TV and stay out of way and try 2 wrtie letters to someone…….
stel have a frind in
We and Bitten are Besey M
acking a big mess of eve
rything and Im trying 2
get
we and Biten are besey m
acking a big mess of eve
rything and Im trying 2
get
some piturs of us wor
king on it all
I have yet 2 learn how
2 make this thing only
print one time and my ca]mera dont
work but im trying 2 ge
t someone 2 tacke some p
ictures of all we have
ben doing
I was tacken deferent pl
aces from 2 were I am no
w it seems like im in a
prizon
without bars. I am parcly
paralisd and dont get o
ut mutch my tv keeps me
company
without bars, I am parcly
paralisd and dont get o
ut mutch my tv keeps me
company
and I have in los, vagu
se nevada that I met in
hospetal
I was in salt lack city
were I was 4 tretment an
d I was treated niceer t
hen here
!salt, lacke city, did I
say I was stele lerning
2 spell and haveing a ha
rd
time but can getby or a
t lest I am trying!
I lick 2 go skying now
I did ti before but I di
d not enjoy it as do no
w
one thing I have 2B is
nicer 2 pepole in whelc
hars thy need all the he
lp u
can give them lick goin
g over curebs or get int
osoneplace you dont rel
ise
how hard it canbe telly
ou are in one and see th
etrobles thy have
I Wyoming I did not know H
ow good he was tell I g
ot in, 2
my problem and gust how
good hecan be and the
tipe of work he dos 4 me talk about going show
skying or just giting a
round like just going
2 the store can be fun!
This state has alot of
good looking wemen in I
t -Mike
(written by Mike with a wheelchair-top computer and printed out on a thin spool of paper)
If you were part of this fantastic creation and want me to edit or add anything about your art piece or stories on the web site, please contact me! – Namasté, Bittin